← Back to portfolio
Published on 25th September 2018

A Personal Note


I'm not really sure what the point of this is, so if you're reading this, thanks and I hope you get something out of it. I've been down in the dumps, and my depression has wandered uninvited back into my life. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo between where i was and where I want be. I'm 22, and by all accounts my life is on track. I have a decent job around people I like, and I live in a pretty nice place. I still feel like I've failed. There's part of me that feel like depression is weakness, and part of me that wants to own it. I sit here, stress eating, feeling like I can't get out of this hole. 

There's a big gap between where I am, and where I want to be, and I don't see how to get to the end goal. Don't get me wrong, I do really like my job and I'm grateful to have it. My goal is to do neuroscience research, but I didn't find that career path until late in my senior year so now that I'm out I feel stuck. I got a taste of it with my DREAM lab up in Boston, and I would give anything to have a spot there, the other lab people there thought I did well, but I just don't know how to get back. I'd do anything to work there up in Boston. 

I just wish I had committed to research earlier, I didn't know it was what I wanted to do until so late that I spent the greater part of my undergraduate bouncing back and forth between careers that once I got into, I realized I didn't love. Especially when I got a sweet internship at Nashville SC and it struck me that working in sports wasn't my goal, it killed me. I love science. I love it more than I have really loved any other ideal. No day is like the last in the lab, and if I could just spend the rest of my life learning, I would be a happy man. I just hope I haven't blown my chance. 

What do I do? I've tried to do research here but that isn't working, and with every day I feel my opportunities slipping away. I look at everyone around me being so successful, and I can't help but feel down about myself and what I've done. I'm feeling a little hopeless right now. I just feel like I'm here, a completely forgettable 20-something, everything I didn't want to be. 



Close